Dec 12, 2007

It started off clean, anyways...

Mike
he's very sick you know
Sam
i know Boss Man told me
Jim
*cough* *cough*
Mike
*choke* *choke*
Sam
she said, well when you go to places like that
Mike
haha
Larry
that is, places outside of the Golf Club.
Sam
although his drinking water was probably clearer than ours
Mike
werd
Mike
turbids everywere
Jim
and waaaaayyyy fewer fruit flies
Larry
that's where the taste is
Jim
you'd think my system would be stronger after so many months in that cubicle.
Mike
ahhaha
Larry
stronger only against those specific coffee bred pathogens
Mike
health depravation chamber you mean
Jim
haha
Larry
so is Jim msning us from atop of whistler or something?
Mike
he named his couch Whistler?
Jim
uhhhh
Jim
couch?
Mike
go Larry go!
Sam
haha
Larry
hahhahh
Larry
it's the name of the blowup doll that has that tiny leak. she goes 'eeeeeee' if you put too much pressure on her.
Jim
we're at the point where I don't even have to say anything and everybody knows what I mean.
Larry
er, so i hear.
Mike
or that
Mike
here comes something about extra long straps for the dildo so it can be strapped to a couch
Larry
wow, where the fuck you going with THAT Mike?
Mike
im takin it down to brown town
Sam
you share dolls?
Larry
well, i dont' have my own, and i usually clean whistler up pretty well. unless i'm in a rush
Larry
(which i usually am, come to think of it)
Sam
i bet you do
Larry
(tell whistler i really DID have an early meeting i needed to get to, and i just lost her number)
Sam
it appears whistler has moved on, Larry
Larry
well, she's currently under Jim, so that's understandable
Larry
SHE"S NOT FOR BOUNCING Jim
Mike
be gentle
Larry
she also hates it when you say "Wheeeee!"
Jim
why do I punish myself so?
Sam
mmmm Bouncing Jim
Mike
haha
Mike
she also likes to cuddle
Mike
a rare trait in a blow up doll
Larry
always so wham bam, deflate me and put me away in my waterproof case
Mike
you have to ask permission to leave this conversation
Jim
hmmm

Sam has left the conversation.

Sam has been added to the conversation.

Larry
just like you have to ask whistler to 'play'

Jim has left the conversation.

Mike
cheeky
Mike
Larry blogify this
Larry
we can never talk about skiiing ever again.
Larry
well done Larry, you fucking jerk.

Be Funny... NOW!

Mike
we should prolly post a conversation to the blog
Mike
ok GO!
Sam
you can't just force these things
Sam
go
Mike
yes you can. Over
Larry
i'm saving up all my banter for Mr. Smith
Mike
"banter"
Mike
its BATTER
Larry
he doesn' tlike his witty conversations 're-used'
Larry
or as he likes to say, "I don't like sloppy seconds"
Larry
at least, i think he was talking about conversation
Larry
you can never be too sure, what with his smooth deliver and outrageously expensive pants.
Mike
man
Mike
I am funny
Larry
fuck, you bring the funny at whim
Mike
funneh
Jim
yes, you certainly think you are.
Larry
i concur
Mike
shouldn't you be getting de-loused?
Jim
shouldn't you?
Mike
is it Tuesday already?

Dec 5, 2007

Electrical iPhone Chai Latte

Sam
so, have you stopped drinking coffee now
Sam
are you a chai latte guy now
Larry
i'm drinking my coffee now
Larry
it's only two days old
Larry
and as cold as a well embalmed corpse
Sam
nice
Sam
my mate just got an iphone
Larry
does he like it?
Sam
loves it
Larry
does he love it because he just spent a fair chunk of change on it?
Larry
or does he genuinely love it, and find he spends the better portion of his day sitting at a Starubucks, with his iPhone, screen up on the table in front of him, while he pretends to peruse the most impenetrable works of Proust?
Sam
he loves it because it has an awesome ui and using the touch screen is just so natural
Sam
his company bought it
Larry
ahhh
Sam
oh the tension
Larry
like a high energy electrical transmission wire, poorly insulated, and 30 feet lower than prescribed by safety regulations.

Dec 4, 2007

The Falklands

Sam
$11 hamburger
Mike
hey...thats the price you pay for over floured ciabatta bread
Larry
and free range organic no-cruelty argentinian unmodified prairie cattle
Mike
yeah
Sam
no one mentioned argie to me
Sam
i'm not coming
Sam
fucking argies
Mike
haha
Larry
oh right
Larry
that whole island on the other side of the world that you two countries really care about and that frankly sounds like a hidden isle from Middle-Earth
Sam
the one that is ours
Mike
was
Sam
sorry?
Mike
yes you are
Mike
didnt you hear the latest?
Sam
no
Mike
The Brazilians have taken it over and are using it as a training island for the next World Cup.
Mike
Ooo the irony
Larry
well, you get your dwarves together fromt he Underkingdom, and make sure your alliances from Rivendale hold strong, like so many plates of mithril, and go get yourself that island.
Sam
now, that almost worked
Sam
all the rocks and hills will help improve their ball control, i see
Mike
indeed

Nov 8, 2007

Too Busy Watching 'Steel Magnolias'

Larry
Link to a scene from Braveheart.
Larry
*sniff*
Mike
never seen it
Larry
you are dead to me.
Larry
next wii lunch we should see this
Larry
or maybe schedule a MARATHON OF MANLY MAN MOVIES for christmas
Larry
so little Mikey can see all the movies he should have fucking seen
Larry
you're about to get your Man Card pulled buddy.
Mike
mmm

Nov 6, 2007

Gang Violet

Mike
YES YES YES!!!
http://www.yourtvlinks.com/file/6622-80039s-gang-fight.html
Jim
it's back, baby
Larry
werd.
Mike
The Falcons get to make the rules
Larry
is this Mr. Belvedere?
Mike
haha
Mike
listen close to the lyrics
Larry
sweet, the kids from Fame and Thriller are coming ti KICK SOME ASS (then have buttsecks)
Larry
i don't have to listen to th elysrics to know its' about colourful, ethnic sodomy.
Larry
MOVE THOSE HIPS
Larry
oh yeah, tha'ts not gay at all.
Larry
"nono, not a dark, menacing purplse. Do you have a lavender? Or a mauve?"
Larry
this prolly started the Blood vs. Crips bloodbath. fuck, even I"m pissed off at their protrayal of urban violence.
Larry
bout ready to get my gat and my nine and drive by a few whities myself now
Jim
what do you think his threads are worth once we kill him and strip himdown

Nov 5, 2007

says the web savvy veteran....

Jim says:
http://www.thecomedynetwork.ca/shows/showdetails.aspx?a=b&u=1&sid=3351&c=CA&time=1194296927&hash=d02b107867538128517b04ba9859a75c
Jim says:
play the nov 1 clip 3 of 3
Mike says:
UR LYNX SUCKZORZ
Larry says:
OH MY GOD! LARN HOW 2 INTERNET!!!
Larry says:
which interview is it?
Larry says:
Mike
Larry says:
which interview is it?

Nov 1, 2007

Halloween at Larry's place

Larry says:
what did your kids dress up as?
Mike says:
Spongebob, Winnie the Pooh and Simba
Larry says:
i had a han solo trick or treat our place. it was awesome
Mike says:
you invite them in?
Larry says:
Simba? lion king is still popular?
Mike says:
no..but cheap
Mike says:
I love the look of the parents faces as they wait by the curb and you usher their kids inside
Larry says:
well, naturally, if they can roll a natural 20, and can define what a high constitution might mean, and what races have a +3 modifier to it. Then yes.
Larry says:
ah, cheap is king indeed
Larry says:
it's best if you lick your lips as you invite them in
Larry says:
and if you're not wearing any pants
Mike says:
hahah
Mike says:
answer the door naked
Larry says:
well, yeah, that's the trick
Mike says:
treat to follow

Columnist

Larry
i'll pass, after overcoming my fear of needles, i'm going to find out what all the fuss is about this 'heroin' everyone is talking aboutl.
Larry
i figure it'll make a good subject for the Watercooler
Manward
call it smack talk with Larry
Larry
oh yeah!
Larry
that's a great name for my column
Sam
Larry's fight against addiction
Sam
addiction to the flu shot
Larry
Smack Talk With Larry
The new shipmentof China White is in. It has a nice nutty start, with a crunchy styrofoam high, before it dumps you pretty hard with a really tar like ending. On the plus side, I only dry heaved for 3 hours after going cold turkey on it, so you know it's pure.
Larry
it writes itself!@

Oct 24, 2007

The Short Answer

Sam
hey, what are ocz like
Larry
OCZ? as in the RAM?
Sam
well, sd memory
Larry
as in, what's their reputation?
Sam
yeah
Larry
so, like, what would the general geekery and technological community have to say about the overall stability, reliabilty,and performance of said brand, on aggregate, and on the whole, ignoring any and all anedotal outliers?
Sam
yes
Larry
If I get your meaning -- and please, correct me if I'm out of order, or if I've shaded your question with the wrong intent, that is to say, flavour -- then what you would like to ascertain from me is some sort of zeitgeist surrounding OCZ and the components they make. A barometer, if you will, of the company and it's feeling of ill or goodwill among the technology enthusiast crowd. Ignoring, of
Larry
course, enthusiasts who may have rigourous and frankly shocking loyatly to, shall we say, competitors brands. What you would like to get a sketch of, in short, is an answer to this question, "Is OCZ, good?"
Sam
Yes, a simple, good or bad will suffice. I do not need a detailed and thorough discussion of the pros and cons of said brand.
Larry
So you would not want to know, for instance, if hte local dealer of OCZ certified equipment is in fact a latent homosexual with an alarming collection of burro erotica? Or that, say, their current labour policies in the RAM production field are second to none?
Sam
Whilst intrigued by the Mexican food sounds Burro, I have no idea what it is and do not feel it will influence my decision on whether or not to purchase memory from said company. Nor do i particularly care for the labour policies, as I feel my being an "EveryDay Hero" allows me certain leeway in my purchasing decisions in this regard.
Larry
They're pretty good, I guess.
Sam
thanks

Oct 22, 2007

Excuses, excuses.

Mike
you have a kid..its the perfect excuse
Larry
hahaha
Mike
Yeah...sorry (last minute) Mias not feeling well
Mike
she just yakked up her sweet potatoes all over the dog
Larry
holy shit, you just made up that excuse on the spot, so smooth! so natural! you should write a book
Jim
I'm surprised they don't all want to just go somewhere cheap and buy you gin and take in all the hugs.
Larry
and they'll be like "wait, this isn't YOUR birthday Larry"
Larry
and i'll be like all puppy dog faced and be like "so.. no LAN party then?"
Mike
I'd love to write a book but Hudson is running a bit of a fever. He's got a bit of a rash on his cheek too which may be a sign of fifths disease. I really have to keep an eye on it. you understand right. Sorry.
Larry
i'm fucking astounded
Larry
you should be a Facebook application
Larry
need an excuse, click here
Larry
fucking rad.
Jim
"no I can't go. Mike's kid is not feeling well and she just yakked up her sweet potatoes all over the dog"
Mike
Thanks for clicking the button. Unfortunately I cannot create an excuse right now as it seem the Norwalk Virus has paid us, our kids and our dog a visit. Unless you have some handy tips for getting hotdog vomit out of bed spreads, I won't be able to talk to you for a bit.

Oct 17, 2007

Cottonophobia

Mike
required viewing NOW
Mike
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G45s4GJslGI&mode=related&search=
Larry
i guess it's when a large cotton ball made from frogs killed my entire family then ass raped my dog.
Mike
"dog"
Larry
and when the cotton man tries to choke me with the cotton, i realize.. oh yeah.. it'sjust oversized COCKS.
Larry
which explains why my son hates his toys...
Larry
who was swearing?
Larry
wtf?
Mike
it's weird...I never actually SEE Larry smoking crack
Larry
hahahHAHAHAHAHhaHaHHAHAH
Jim
haha
Larry
my sweaters are made of crack that's absorbed throught the skin
Jim
hahaha
Mike
"sweaters"
Mike
i got some sweaters
Sam
there is officially no safe word we can use
Mike
haha
Jim
"safe"
Larry
i'll get in YOUR safe baby
Larry
crack it
Larry
CRACK THAT SAFE!
Mike
Sweaters come in pairs and are delivered in a convenient skin pouch
Jim
Maury PWNS that bitch!
Jim
nice job.
Larry
seriously,wtf happened to her. some serious fucking trauma to be scared of cotton balls
Mike
im afraid of spies
Jim
stabbystabby
Larry
STABBY STABBY!!!!
Larry
i like to stab the engies when they are crouched....
Larry
bent right over that dispenser, oh yea

Oct 12, 2007

Bahrain, Syria, Whatever.

Jim
blogzored
Larry
how is that in anyway funny Jim?
Larry
THIS IS SERIOUS LIFE AND DEATH SHIT WE GOT GOING ON
Larry
you ask anyone, even your friend in Bahrain, he'll know
Larry
he'll be like, holy fuck, you guys were talking about advanced TF2 setnry gun placement?!
Jim
it's not Bahrain, dickhead. It's syria.
or the maldives.
and don't fuck with me.
Larry
and you'll be like 'I LULZ THEM!'
Jim
my syrian friends won't like it/.
Larry
and he'l be like 'I'VE GOT A DIRTY BOMB FOR YOUR ASS SPHINCTER YOU STUPID FGT NUB SHAFT!'"
Mike
hahah]
Larry
and you'll be like "NO PLAS! I LURV YOUR COUNTRY!"
Larry
and he'll be like "TAKE TF2 MORE FUCKING SRSLY! OK!? SRSLY!. fuckwad."
Jim
I'll be like, 'DON'T TASE ME, BRO!'
Larry
and it'll be tooo late
Larry
you'll already have a Uranium Colon Cleaning
Jim
what, that's it? That's all you got

NEEEERRRRRDDDDDSSSSS!!!!

Mike Says:
ragin drunk...gotta be home by 9
Mike Says:
for TF2
Larry Says:
holy fuck, youguys should start mastering the Get the Engie in IMPOSSIBLE PLACES skillz
Larry Says:
apparently you can crouch jump on the dispener
Mike Says:
link us to pics
Larry Says:
ppl get in pretty much SUPAR places
Mike Says:
but you need a 2nd person to set up near you
Larry Says:
and you can also set a TELEPORTER EXIT in weird spots that youc an't jump to, then build a teleporter entrance and get up there
Larry Says:
http://img160.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=22813_very_high_sg1_122_639lo.jpg
Mike Says:
so if they try to rocket your sentry, the other guy smokes em
Larry Says:
wha?
Larry Says:
oh right
Mike Says:
being an engy alone in 2fort is pretty much useless...soon as a heavy or soldier shows up with a medic, youre toast
Larry Says:
yeah
Mike Says:
whats the point of having that so high?
Larry Says:
you need to have ppl respond to your screams for help, at the very least
Larry Says:
a spy can't sap it
Mike Says:
it has no range and is a sitting duck
Larry Says:
and a demo man can't hit it
Larry Says:
i'm not sure what it's range is
Larry Says:
iv'e seen those placements before,t heyare pretty useful
Larry Says:
BUT if you can sneak by, it doesn't cover the cap point
Mike Says:
so whats the trick?
Larry Says:
a dispenser on the far right or left, crouch jump on the ledge
Mike Says:
can you jump on other players for a boost?
Larry Says:
nono, just onto the dispenser
Mike Says:
booo
Larry Says:
"Simply - crouch jump from trolley near computer bank, onto computer bank. Build dispenser. Crouch jump onto dispenser, jump, and place teleporter exit on the ledge above you. Destroy disp, make teleporter entrance, teleport up to that area, etc etc."
Larry Says:
only the engie can crouch jump onto his dispenser
Larry Says:
you know where a good offense place is? in 2fort, in the BAD GUYS sewers, where the health and ammo is
Mike Says:
so jump on "toss" the exit up
Larry Says:
then get a teleporter exit there
Larry Says:
no, the blueprint can be placed above where youc an jump, i guess
Mike Says:
no one uses the sewers but me on 2 fort
Mike Says:
always empty
Larry Says:
you obviously haven't played enought 2fort

Oct 4, 2007

Fruit or Vegetable?

TinTin says:
does Terminator even understand english?
Mike says:
lol
TinTin says:
is he even aware what language the rest of us speak?
Mike says:
nope
TinTin says:
i've had more comprehension from a tomato
Mike says:
i bet
Mike says:
you've probably had more sex from a tomato

Teleconferencing the Ajaxification of the Web

Larry
i'm having a blast, you are so jealous
Sam
is it good?
Larry
oh my god, so good
Sam
did you ajax shit up
Larry
fucking hellsyea
Larry
you know Neo in the matrix, when he learns Kung Fu? that's exactly what it's like
Larry
fucking downloading the techincal shit dawg.
Sam
sweet
Sam
so do you have Joe Smith?
Larry
yeha, he's fucking pimp dawg
Sam
he looks it
Larry
dear god, he's going over the basics of what AJAX is.
Larry
i did google maps integration!! I R SMART!! MOVE FASTER!
Sam
hey, he needs to fill the day
Sam
fill it
Larry
does he ever
Larry
wait.... what do you want me to 'fill'?
Larry
already/ so early in th emorning?
Larry
cheerful mike is here
Sam
oh really
Sam
that must brighten the mood
i wish was there with him
Larry
i feel like the air is infused with aerosoled Prozac, it's awesome
Larry
why don't you come join us/ theere's still room
Sam
we're only allowed one per team
Larry
*sighs like a martyr*
Larry
you can take my spot
Larry
nono, it's ok
Larry
go ahead and take it. it's the least i can do, after getting a ride home.
Sam
i've missed too much now
Sam
i'd never catch up
Sam
i'll just attend your presentation at the next systems meeting
Larry
oh, alright
Larry
you are so unselfish!
Sam
i know
Larry
literally crucifying your technical knowledge on the tree of Generosity.
Larry
i just had a cinnamonbun... the insulin spike is going to knock me out
Sam
enjoy your nap

Oct 2, 2007

Concentrated Meditations on Rodger

Larry
damnit, when was the last time I was sick
Larry
i have a baby!
Larry
a spewing, phlegmy, coughy baby!
Larry
WHERE IS MY PAYOFF?!
Sam
the love and enjoyment you get each day when holding and playing with your beautiful child
Larry
right..
Larry
so, no ETA on my sick days then?
Sam
that is in your hands
Larry
hey, does Rodger have a kid/wife?
he strikes me as someone who doesn't
Sam
he has a partner
Larry
hahahah
Larry
what do you mean, he has a partner
Larry
what are you insinuating?
Sam
absolutely nothing
Sam
all i know is he has a partner
Sam
and he likes to suck cocks
Sam
recall last line
Larry
hey, some ppl like to fry the chicken, and eat it slowly with their incisors, who am I to judge how he eats his fowl?
Sam
i think his partner is female
Larry
really?!
Larry
i mean..
Larry
that throws me for a loop
Larry
i assumed he still lives with his aunt who raised him, ever since his parents died in a rare safari off the coast of Borneo
Sam
ah
Sam
sorry to shatter the illusion
Larry
his aunt, who has an exotic predilection for all things voodoo, kept him on sick days through her liberal use of new orleans hot foods and a distaste for food safety
Larry
he found solace, early on, in computers. their cleanliness, their distinct desire to have nothing to do with auras or voodoo dolls.
Sam
wow, you think about Rodger a lot
Larry
at the age of 32, he finally found a career as a programmer, and has been happy ever since
Larry
but still lives at home.
Larry
his only chance at anything approaching a relationship was a tryst his former C++ instructor made at him. unfortunately, his instructor was from hardy czech farming stock, and Rodger had neither the sophistication nor the social depth to realize that 1) the instructor was a she and 2) that the instructor was making veiled passes at him to "instantiate HER object"
Larry
yes, i do.
Larry
he's an enigma

Sep 24, 2007

Use Another Server

Larry
hey assmonkey, preprod uses some Clickarray DEVILRY, so that the static shit comes from some unknown bastion of HELL
Larry
i suggest you build to integrate
Mike
nah
Larry
Jim just told me he'd kill me ten times over with his dinner fork if I ever bother him with such a ridiculous question.

Sep 17, 2007

Clown Bike

Sam
boredom beginning to set in
Larry
ihear ya
Sam
pre 9am boredom is the pits
Larry
mine was interruppted by the distinct feeling of utter worthlessness and depression. But thankfully the performance evaluation was relatively short
Sam
ahhh, yes. the knowledge that you have an awkward hour meeting to look forward to at some point where BOSS and your pm attempt to say positive things about
Sam
the whole time in your head you are picturing homer riding a clown bike with his pants falling down
Larry
hahah
Larry
except the clown bike is looking up at me saying "YOU SUCK!! IT"S A GOOD THING YOU WORK AT COMPANY ABC INC. OR YOU WOULD BE FIRED SO FAST YOUR TESTICLES WOULD SPIN!"
Larry
yes, testicles. they usuually don't spin, but the force and vigour of the firing would make my nether region like two competing gyro scopes
Sam
"HOMER MAKES YOU LOOK SO INCOMPETENT"
Larry
"IF HOMER WAS A REAL PERSON. AND BY REAL PERSON I MEAN A DROOLING, BRAIN DEAD HUMAN VEGETABLE, I"D HIRE HIM TO DO YOUR JOB TWENTY TIMES OVER! AND ALL BEFORE YOUR FIRST COFFEE BREAK!"
Sam
ahahahaha

Jul 25, 2007

MSN of a higher class

Larry
can't you say "I say old man, why don't we just go for a post of tea, why not! Now, I've been lead to belive you have taken a bit of a fancy for my MacBook Pro. Now, old man, it'd be an awfully good sport of you if you'd just sod off, you know."
Larry
i've been reading some Evelyn Waugh
Larry
apparently you english folks really talked like that in WW2
Sam
Look old man, some of us chaps still do talk like that. A fine state we'd be in if we all talked the way you yanks do. No, no, that would never do. More tea?
Larry
It's a right sporting way of conversing, if I may say so myself. May I? Mayn't I? Good show then. And I think I'll have a bit more of the Darjeely if you have any. Sharp as tacks, those punjabs to make such a spot on drink as tea, dont' you think?
Sam
It certainly hits the spot. You know, I was telling Maud the other day, wasn't I Maud, you can't beat a good cup of char. Not much use for anything else those punjabs, but they make a fine cuppa, What's that Maud?
Larry
Oh Maud is always spouting about the latest thing isn't she just? Such a card she is. Now say old man, what say we take a few days off and watch the semi-qualifying rounds for the 2007 Cricket Championships. I daresay there is a new bowler for Pakistan, he's got an arm he does.
Sam
Champion idea old bean. I'll have Maud knock us up some sandwiches and a few cakes for afternoon tea and perhaps a flask of Earl Grey. I say, I don't much fancy our boys chances out there against those Pakistanis. It's the food you know.
Larry
yeah, i'm pretty sure i can't keep this up

Jul 12, 2007

Change Agency!

Sam
then you can give them a demo
Sam
GB may have questions
Larry
may
Sam
you may need a strategy to deal with that
Larry
taht doesn't include punching him in the nards
Sam
first i recommend determining what kind of person he is, you know a what, why, big picture, etc and then tailoring you demo to him
Sam
good luck
Larry
haha
Larry
Just a birds eye view. Maybe whiteboard a few scenarios, communicate with a few stakeholders to tap into their domain expertise. Then maybe get a stand up meeting to figure how you want to comprehensively co-author the proper directives to enable fast and end-to-end change agency.
Sam
i sure hope Mike is getting all this
Sam
he's awfully quiet, i guess he is working on his demo

Jul 5, 2007

Hold. Still.

Sam
Neon wants CC and Noir to experiment
Sam
oh, my eyes, my eyes
Larry
hehhe, hawt!
Sam
ok, so you put this end of the tube there and i'll just....
Larry
hold a minute. JUST HOLD A MINUTE THERE
Larry
I haven't got it set UP! HOLD IT IN!! HOLD IT IN!!!!
Larry
damn, it's all slipperynow, i'll never get a grip on it
Sam
don't move, DON"T MOVE
Larry
maybe if i hold it in my teeth

Jul 4, 2007

Bloody shit

Jim:
I think I'm outta here.
Mike:
rgr
Jim:
if I stay it will be unpleasant for everybody involved.
Jim:
hopefully I don't pull a TinTin.
Mike:
i need money for lunch
Mike:
ahhh family
Larry:
you sick Jim?
Mike:
no YOU sick Jim
Larry:
or dracula is getting to you?
Jim:
stomach fuxored
Jim:
haha. yeah, if I stay the blood will be unpleasant for everybody.
Larry:
ah
Mike:
ah...like dinner time at my house
Jim:
hahah
Sam:
images, images
Larry:
blood and explosive diarrhea, sounds like a win for everyone involved
Mike:
wii lunch?
Jim:
plus if I puke I owe Apu 10 bucks
Mike:
i KNEW it
Sam:
if you puke, make it towards dracula
Mike:
yeah make him choke on it
Sam:
and i'll refund the $10
Jim:
ok. now I am going to puke.
Mike:
puke in his mouth while youre french kssing him
Sam:
i didn't say kiss him and ...
Larry:
jeeesus
Jim:
------------------ <-- line
Larry:
i turna way for a second and we have vomit homosexual french kissing
Mike:
and then with the diarrhea...
Sam:
did you not see the line
Larry:
EXPLOSIVE
Mike:
(sranwrap...you know...the usual)
Jim:





























Mike
Larry:
what line?
Larry:
except, without teh sarawrap
Mike:
so anyways...to make a solid (so to speak) Manhattan Transfer....
Larry:
heat transfers better without that barrier of plastic
Larry:
and to the urban dictinoary i go
Mike:
you dont have to email me pete
Larry:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=manhattan+transfer
Larry:
oh for FUCK's sake
Larry:
it just gets worst
Larry:
3 and 4.....
Mike:
#6
Sam:
"Stephen gave me a Manhattan Transfer after hearing my story about the Holocaust."
Jim:
He gave her a manhattan transfer, allowing the free flow of feces between the two of them.
Sam:
wtf
Sam:
the example should make sense, surely
Mike:
Stephen gave me a Manhattan Transfer after hearing my story about the Holocaust.
Mike:


A man and a woman get into the "69" position and unload a nice thick log into each others mouth.
Mike:
just had to paste that
Larry:
nice thick log.
Jim:
ok.
Jim:
I'm definitely out.
Larry:
man, i'll never be able to read up on forestry news ever again
Mike:
Travis wanted to try a Manhattan Transfer but we didn't have a straw so he just farted on my balls.
Larry:
two anal cavities...
Larry:
HAHAHAH
Sam:
i now understand what Mike is trying to do with the hackey sack
Jim:
fuckin travis.
Mike:
haha
Jim has left the conversation.


Larry:
and with the straw
Sam:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Lincoln+tunnel
Sam:
Mike is attempting to combine this with the Manhattan transfer
Mike:
well duh
Larry:
so.. .. uh. yeah.

Jun 29, 2007

216 is laughable


Jim says:
134 biznatch
Sam says:
bastard
Sam says:
game on
Sam says:
133, fuck!
Jim says:
327
Sam says:
damn, 213
Sam says:
give me a break
Jim says:
haha
Sam says:
Mike's 216 seems laughable now
Jim says:
yes, it does.
Sam says:
381

Jim says:
damn
Jim says:
you must have a sore wrist.

Jun 27, 2007

Not non hell

Sam:
noisy people are so annoying
Mike:
the worst part is that Star Trek Alien thinks she's helping
Sam:
it's ok if you are funny noisy, but just noisy, booooo
Mike:
she has no fucking clue how to turn on her computer
Sam:
she is not non annoying me
Mike:
Do you wish you were giving birth right now?
Mike:
or swinging a basebat bat?
Sam:
hahaha
Mike:
i find her definitely non irr-annoying
Mike:
fuck
Sam:
this is more painful than child birth
Mike:
i gotta get rid of that
Mike:
and now Hag is here
Mike:
thats like the finishing move
Mike:
Hag and Star Trek Alien
Sam:
i imagine this is what it sounds like in hell
Mike:
killer
Mike:
haha

Bloc Rules

1. Tintin shall be browbeaten relentlessly.
2. Larry is not addicted to gin, he only prefers it to water.
3. Any mention of football will always be assumed to be the British understanding of it. Not what those poncy Americans would have you believe.
4. Mike's children are known as either 'promising stuntmen' or 'those great excuses for buying Gameboys and other gamesystems that no straight man would allow himself within 100 meters of'.
5. Do not taunt Jim's Prius.
6. Do not hack Jim's Prius.
7. It's generally understood that you do not bring up Mike's failed audition for "Way Fast, Way Furious, The Revenge of the Sprint".
8. It's good form to wait until Larry has finished his 3000 word msn response to a one line quip.
9. Jim loves children. Far, far away from him.
10. Sam keeps a lead pipe under his desk for anyone who doesn't share his opinion of football. He doesn't even have the decency to clean the blood and slightly dried brains from it.
11. All msn conversations will eventually degrade to a point where those with the weakest stomach for auto-erotic asphixiation with a oranguatan nail-file will quit.
12. Those weakest will be added until all and every possible disgusting reference can be hashed out in detail.

Jun 26, 2007

AFK

Jim
Larrys not even there...
Mike
his Mom will read this
Jim
he has the liquid bird thing going
Sam
just putting his muumuu on
Mike
and clipboard full of overwritten sentences
Jim
and a pit bull hanging from his throat
Mike
two birds...ctrl and V

Jun 15, 2007

Trousers

Larry
so, yeah, you still owe me a Blog Topic
Sam
i'm still thinking
Sam
why do they still make trousers, sorry pants, with button up flys
Sam
i mistakenly bought a pair
Sam
they have a belt on that is a bugger to undo as well
Sam
so now when i go to the washroom i run the risk of someone seeing me grunting and groaning with my crotch as i try to unbutton/button up my fly
Sam
it's no better if i use the cubicle, in fact i think its worse
Sam
see my head above the door as i thrash around mumbling "get in there" to that last stubborn button....not good
Larry
hahhAHHHAhAhaHAHHA

Jun 7, 2007

Great minds think alike.

Jim Says:
man. breakfast was good.
Jim Says:
I really needed that.
Jim Says:
I'll buy you breakfast tomorrow at the pendulum... definitely worthwhile.
Mike Says:
haha
Mike Says:
nice
Mike Says:
i accept
Jim Says:
it's a date then - 8:30 at the pendulum
Mike Says:
werd
Jim Says:                  Mike Says:
you better put out.    will I have to put out?

Jun 6, 2007

Wrap It

Mike
fuckin uber comment complete
Larry
holy shit that's a long comment
Mike
thats what she said
Mike
you can basically wrap that in java tags and release it
Larry
hahahahHAHAH
Larry
yeah, the good old java tags
Mike
hahaha
Larry
is there anything they can't do?
Larry
fuck, i'm LOLing over here
Mike
hahah

May 31, 2007

Lurid Details

Larry
Mike, my apple laptop is here! can you go dog the bounty hunter on it?
Mike
hahaha
Mike
i should put him in a chicken wing
Larry
is that with the pepper spray or without?
Mike
chicken wing with a full face press against the wall
Mike
top of the shoulder holding his skull still
Larry
uh.. hey now.. no need to get into the lurid details
Mike
then I'd slowly unzip his pants....
Larry
i'm sure there will be sweating, maybe a few tentative games of leapfrog, i don't need to know

May 16, 2007

Apple Customer Support

Mike
Dear iTunes,

PLease play my CD without fucking copying the entire fucking thing to the hardrive.
Mike
Thanks,
Mike
Larry
Dear Mike,
We are Apple. We make brand identity over priced and mega hyped products for you iLife and digital E-Future. We know what's best for you. You better get used to the idea that everything we think of and consider, even if it is a steaming jetstream of diarhea, is goddamn cool because we'll put it in clear plastic and use a slighly grey Arial fucking font.
Apple
Mike
i-future asshole

May 15, 2007

pardon my french.

mike says:
fuck
mike says:
regi status
mike says:
need in vw
jim says:
fuck. I thought it was there.
mike says:
fuck. Its not
jim says:
fuck. I thought it was.
mike says:
fuck. You thought wrong
jim says:
fuck. it is.
jim says:
fuck. it's regn_status_code
jim says:
fuck, you fucking fuck.
mike says:
fuck. Im an idiot
mike says:
fuck. I couldnt pull toad up fast enough
jim says:
fuck. hahaha

May 3, 2007

Friends of the Staffroom strike again.

Sam Says:
we will be twinning it with a staffroom in Kyoto soon
Sam Says:
hahah
Larry Says:
twinning?
Larry Says:
oh. ahah
Jim Says:
"sister staffroom with University of ButtFuck Japan"
Larry Says:
sorry, took a bit of a leap for me there.i can only shudder at the 'gathering' of 3 people who are going to be eating cake morosely while making safe and non-committal comments about some blurry shot of a daffodil

Apr 19, 2007

The Understated Ambiton Of The British

Larry
what's youre take on it?
i'm pretty ambivalent
Sam
oh i'm all for it
i'm so on that team
Highly Technical But Pragmatically Foolish Technologydo interest me, purely because they are new and probably a good thing to have on your cv
Larry
uhhh
i can't argue with that... but.. uh.. i dunno
i'm confused now
Sam
i don't want to join really
Larry
sorry, i know your real feelings on the matter
Sam
it will involve lots of travelling and meetings and shit
Larry
i know your reserved british ways will not allow you to admit your ardour for all thigns Highly Technical But Pragmatically Foolish Technology and High Minded and Idealized Corridor to Mountains of Bureacracy . i will be your advocate.
Sam
plus we'll have a bunch of tards working on it too
Larry
no matter what your protestations. i will be steadfast. on that you can count.
Larry
i will summon on my email writing skills (of which there is not much), and beseech all the powers that be that you are indeed, the best and first choice for both taking over john's position as head of Highly Technical But Pragmatically Foolish Technologyas well as being the 'go-to' man on High Minded and Idealized Corridor to Mountains of Bureacracy
Larry
fear not. your desires shall be made known. shall be shouted from teh proverbial hills until those with the powers to change your fates have taken heed.
Larry
what good fortune you do have in having a dear friend as myself
Sam
maybe i should sit next to Josh as well
Larry
championing your inner desires and ambitions
Larry
that shall be done!
Larry
nest to the man from the Celestial Lands you will be.
Sam
haha
Larry
i hve a strong urging to empty my lower humours into the porcelain cistern, i shall return
Sam
i will now write me own message on my board "19 days to go"
Larry
19 days until your ascension into the halls of power that you so crave.

Apr 4, 2007

There's a new sherrif in town.

Mike says:
man..i am teetering on the brink of anal leakage
Jim says:
uh
Mike says:
about to stamp out some rusty sherrifs badges soon

Mar 29, 2007

Scratching your head or your ass?

Mike says:
devl is soooooFUCKWED!
Mike says:
-W
Mike says:
cant add courses at all
Sam says:
no it's fuckweded alright
Mike says:
heheh
Sam says:
nice early start by the cardinal
Mike says:
hahah
Mike says:
probably spent the morning removing his head from his ass
Mike says:
then again...maybe not
Mike says:
TRYING to
Sam says:
first he spent an hour wondering why his put his head up there in the first place
Mike says:
hahahah

Mar 28, 2007

Humour is in the eye of the be.holder

Sam says:
Connection con = null;
con = DBAccess.getConnection();
DUInstructor.updateEmail(con, email, id);
Sam says:
i refuse to close my connections
Jim says:
hehe

Mar 19, 2007

Poost

Oooo heaven is a place on earth...

Jim says:
wtf?
Mike says:
*shrug*
Mike says:
i just work here
Mike says:
i dont work here at all
Jim says:
I just sit here.
Sam says:
i just watch tv here
Mike says:
any of you remember the real world?
Jim says:
the wha?!?!
Mike says:
if I felt like this in the real world...oh man...that deadline would be fucke
Mike says:
d
Mike says:
at least I can sit here and watch the spots on my monitor in relative peace
Sam says:
surely you mean the sports on your monitor

Girls just wanna have fun...

Sam says:
i think i might have just triggered the ops email
Mike says:
dyslexics of the world...UNTIE!
Mike says:
geez Sam
Jim says:
dumbass
Jim says:
you some kinda nub or what?
Mike says:
nooblet
Sam says:
it appears so
Sam says:
no i think i managed to sneak it in
Mike says:
i can picture the guys over in ops, throwin poo at each other and then a big bell rings and they all stop as the email comes in...the smart one starts to read it..
Mike says:
and then they all get one word each in the reply
Mike says:
and the smart one has to arrange them
Sam says:
so it's pretty similar to here
Mike says:
only difference is, they have a smart one
Sam says:
ahhhh
Sam says:
and we just have a smartass one

Just another manic Monday...

Mike says:
who's busier?
Jim says:
not me.
Mike says:
ok
Jim says:
I can pretty much guarantee that.
Mike says:
well..if it were between me and you...
Jim says:
hahah
Mike says:
email
Sam says:
the studio pundits for the footy on GuangDong Sports each wear the team outfits
Sam says:
they look very odd
Mike says:
ahhh....i guess you were wrong Jim

Mar 13, 2007

Supperfucked! (aka. Lemon Dream Bar)

Jim Says:
this whole thing is supperfucked
Mike Says:
hahah
Mike Says:
you dont even know the severity of supperfucking
Jim Says:
supperfucked with a 9" Lemon Dream Bar.
Mike Says:
There's nothing as pure as the kindness of an Athiest / The's nothing a sure as a razor blade above your wrist
Mike Says:
heavy lyrics
Jim Says:
haha
Jim Says:
I take it you're not listening to boot liquor?
Mike Says:
i am
Jim Says:
wow. they've gotten deeper.
Mike Says:
hehe
Mike Says:
I'm not gonna cry....I'm gonna smile....Cuz it felt so good to watch her die
Jim Says:
hahaha
Jim Says:
the lyrics bounce right back.
Mike Says:
heheheh
Jim Says:
I only got 17 days vacation left.
Mike Says:
her bare hands clutching at the breeze
Jim Says:
fucksores.
Mike Says:
hahah
Mike Says:
fucksores ajajja
Mike Says:
ooo
Mike Says:
spanish laughter
Jim Says:
hahaha
Mike Says:
man..I am just feeding SISC prod dse the lemon dream bar
Mike Says:
its like snaking a drain
Mike Says:
haha only 14.5 days left
Mike Says:
after booking a fucking month
Mike Says:
hahaha
Jim Says:
hahaha
Jim Says:
can I have some?
Mike Says:
ok
Jim Says:
(days, not lemon dream bar)
Mike Says:
riiiight
Mike Says:
this place
Mike Says:
.

Quality is Job, uh, 452.

tintin says:
okay so how'd the stuff i did on the 9th break things today?
tintin says:
keep the swearing to a minimum
jim says:
SRV???
jim says:
is a super critical class
jim says:
and it's now super fucked
tintin says:
ooops
tintin says:
just looked
jim says:
hahaha
tintin says:
that wasn't supposed to get checked int
tintin says:
oh shit
jim says:
yeah.
jim says:
it looked like a pretty fucked up checkin
tintin says:
most of it was just stuff for later
tintin says:
but the SRV??? change was a random servlet i changed to est something once it was deployed

Mar 7, 2007

Internal Staff Web Site : Posts

Larry
oh man, SO MANY THINGS I WANT ON THAT LIST:
CHEAP Snowboard and Bindings for Sale
Larry
if there is ANYTHING you want to skimp on, the part that links your hurtling body to the only thing giving you a modicum of control is DEFINITELY it. CHEAP snowboard bindings, is like 'open sesame' to my wallet!
Sam
Those rod tickets are just a steal now
Larry
someone should let Lisa know that she can never reduce the price enough
Sam
maybe she should get together with the mexico trip
Sam
and bindings
Larry
throw it all together
Sam
so thats dangerously cheap bindings a gay abuse trip to mexico and rod tickets $100 the lot

Mar 5, 2007

Timbits


Mike
Timbits arent gonna get themselves..chowar d
Tintin
hahaha
Larry
do we need to add an item to your Outlook Calendar?
Mike
Acting Directors ALWAYS get the timbits
Tintin
who ARE you?
Sam
Just delegate the task Tintin
Larry
you can either be The Most Beloved Temporary Acting Director or be clumped with all the Mildly Reviled Temporary Acting Directors
Larry
which one is it going to be?
Mike
send Dracula for them
Tintin
Sam can you please go get me some timbits thanks
Sam
fuck you
Mike
(all the jelly ones will have fang marks in them)
Larry
see, what's going to happen if one of US goes to get it
and you look like a lameass timbit tightwad
Sam
and the others, well lets not go there
Tintin
isn't that what the little hole is?
Larry
OH MAN Tintin remember THAT weekend?!
Tintin
NO!
Larry
I AIN"T NO PROCTOLOGIST!
Sam
Could have fooled me
Sam
if fact you did fool me
Larry
"Tintin
isn't that what the little hole is?" followed by, "Have you had yoru prostate checked? would you?"
Larry
i didn't fool you, you knew all along, you LET yoruself be fooled!
Larry
your prostate is healthy, btw
Sam
that is a a relief
Larry
was for me
Tintin
it's only healthy cause I don't eat timbits
Larry
release, i mean
Larry
oh dear lord, look where i'm going all because Tintin won't get fucking timbits
Mike
you mean you dont GET timbits
Larry
no one is asking you to eat them
Sam
oh he'll get fucking them
Mike
uh Sam
switch get and fucking around

Mar 2, 2007

IMDb's 100 Worst Movie Titles, Part V

Larry
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076191/
worst. super hero. ever.
Jim
uh, I think Thunderpants takes that title.
Larry
i think you are confusing worst with "most likely to make a killing as a porn star"
Mike
"Help help! Im being robbed"
--Melting man enters from alley
--melts
"Help help! Im being robberd!"
Jim
hmm. interesting. not sure what kind of porn you watch Larry
Sam
i'm intrigued how his farting leads him to death row
Larry
Jim: ALL OF IT
it's fucking exhausting
Mike
fuck me...Thursday is officially written off
Jim
yeah, that passing wind porn can get tiresome.
Larry
We like to call it pre-fornication flatulence, you uncultured bigot!

IMDb's 100 Worst Movie Titles, Part IV

Larry
oh damn, Laserblast
fuck me that should have broken box office records
CEO :"What's better htan a laser, PEW PEW PEW laser! I mean, cool right? My grandkids love that stuff"
OverPaid Writer: "It needs more pop, more pizazz.."
They look at eacher other, and exclaim together:"LASERBLAST!"

IMDb's 100 Worst Movie Titles, Part III

Mike
I have no idea how Teen Wolf Too could have flopped. I mean, cmon, Jason Bateman is WAAAYY better than Michael J Fox
Jim
hehe
Sam
and a cameo by donald trump
Jim
and his hair?
Mike
hahahah
Sam
no his hair refused
Larry
it's the palsy, it makes him mroe DYNAMIC

IMDb's 100 Worst Movie Titles, Part II

Larry
"Ghosts Can't Do It"
Mike
The Touch of Satan
Larry
well SHIT! i wanna know what the fuck it's talking about
Tintin
well duh...
Larry
"Only her desire can make him rise again "
Larry
AHHAHAHAHAH
Mike
haha
Jim
HAHAHAHA

IMDb's 100 Worst Movie Titles, Part I

Larry
i don't think it's a coincidence that the bottom 100 movies have the top 100 best titles. ever.
Tintin
new game movie or urban dictionary term
Shanghai Surprise
Mike
hahaha
Jim
hahah. BUKAKE!
Larry
formerly known as Thailand Turnaround
Tintin
hahahahaha

Feb 28, 2007

Not playing with a full deck

Sam says:
so, it services has a house of cards as well as us.
Sam says:
i bet ours is bigger and less stable
Mike says:
AND on TOP of theirs
Jim says:
we have a house of glass cards.
Sam says:
and we keep throwing stones
Jim says:
and the WebServices team has a slingshot
Sam says:
Yeah that WS team
Mike says:
not so much a sligshot as a need for a few of the glass cards near the bottom
Jim says:
pardon?
Sam says:
they like to reuse the bottom cards
Mike says:
by placing them on the top
Mike says:
fuck you and your pardon
Jim says:
they're playing Jenga
Mike says:
only they're retarded
Mike says:
and lack motor skills
Sam says:
and have big boobs

W00t!

fuckin A!

Feb 21, 2007

Gear Shift

Sam
boy Drac likes to chat it up with chowrd
his breathy laughter is bugging me
Larry
nice
looks like choward has met his match
Sam
surely not, i think choward has another gear to go to
he's just cruising now
not cruising in the gay sense of the word, although
Larry
hahahah
Larry
hasn't 'kicked it up a notch' as it were?
Sam
exactly, wait till he grabs that stick and rams it into second
Larry
i'll listen carefully for the hungry engine hitting 7000 rpms
Drac won't even have time to rethink buckling in
he won't even have time to consider if his car has airbags
Sam
"his car has airbags" is that a euphemism for some gay sex aid
Larry
you certainly have your mind filled up, nay, engorged with gay sexual thoughts
Larry
that and cars
i think there maybe a black and white french art house movie that will fulfull all your needs
Sam
fast cars and gay sex that me
Larry
it's like peanut butter and wrestling
Sam
it's why i'm married with a crv
Sam
i think i've been working with Mike for too long
Larry
torturing yourself, as it were
Larry
i think you maybe working for Mike for too long

Feb 7, 2007

1337 Marketable skill(z)

Mike Says:
now if youll excuse me I have to shot gun some beer and hem some curtains
Mike Says:
MANLY curtains
Jim Says:
hahaha
Mike Says:
like..um...meat curtains
Jim Says:
hahaha
Mike Says:
yeah,,i gotta hem some meat curtains
Jim Says:
no idea what that could possibly mean.
Mike Says:
hahah
Jim Says:
just think of it as just one more marketable skill
Jim Says:
and good luck to you.
Mike Says:
haha
Mike Says:
one MORE?
Mike Says:
one.

Feb 1, 2007

This will be the last time an email trail gets transcribed for blogging purposes

Jim says:
hey.

Next week we should pretend like somebody is leaving the comforting
folds of Student Systems (maybe the cardinal or moobs - works well
with the idea of comforting folds...) and go out and get pissed and
play pool/darts/fooz/etc.

what would be a good day? Tuesday and Thursday are out.

jim.

Mike says:
Mmmm meaty folds.

Nancy says:
Thanks for that.

Jim says:
why did I put myself through this? I gotta remember to never instigate anything ever again.

Mike says:
Oh...and I can't make it on Tuesday or Thursday.

Nancy says:
so Thursday it is then.

TinTin says:
I'm sure you'll be moving it to Wednesday 'cause that's probably the
only day I can't make it.

Nancy says:
so Wednesday it is then.

Mike says:
I'm good for Wednesday

Larry says:
Is everyone allergic to Friday or something?

We could almost go to a LAN café with this many people. But I digress.
Where are we going to on Wednesday? I hear Jim has a Wii.

Unless you guys are really partial to the whole 'overpaying for liquor
in a public place' thing. I'm good to go with that place we always go
to. With the tables. And stuff.

Mike says:
So Larry's proposing Friday night at Jim's?

Jim says:
well, i do have a quarter bottle of the Doctor that needs finishing.

Mike says:
Is that code?

Larry says:
And remember whatever you do, don't "blows the integration work to feature branches!"

Mike says:
Sometime I just cant help myselfs.

Dabid says:
How about start at Jims, then out to a little less that 9/10th's dong-factor?

Larry says:
No seriously. What? We here at UBC actually use real english devans. Not your bastardized Engarin with a slight topping of tentacle anime pr0n you guys use over there.


Mike says:
He’s saying less cock, more rock.

Jim says:
less cock? wtf?

Mike says:
I'm sorry. Do you require a large amount of cock?

Nancy says:
well thats it, im not going.

Mike says:
Ratio-ly speaking. Subtraction through addition.

Larry says:
Somehow we got into this conversation penises, math, and ESL. What have you done Jim?


So, Friday, Jim's. Drink. Etc.

Jim says:
I sent out an email to the above people - what did you expect?

Larry says:
Frankly, more about squirrels and randy sock puppets. Perhaps a small bit on harpsichords and its impact on sub-dermal hemotomas. And then finish it all with how the IMF drives interest rates to usurp neo-capitalist power struggles in developing nations. And maybe a brief footnote on garters.

Jan 29, 2007

Zelda - NC18

Mike says:
im still trying to find the key to uploading a file
Jim says:
hahaha
Mike says:
this is like fucking Zelda
Jim says:
I haven't gotten to that part of the game yet.
Mike says:
Im going to try left right left right ab ab select start next
Jim says:
it sounds like fun.
Jim says:
hahah
Mike says:
ohyeah
Mike says:
you bend that fuckin elf over and giv'er with with the wiimote
Mike says:
mostly ass spanking

Jan 25, 2007

Stuff

Larry
"whatcha working on?"
Larry
"Stuff"
Larry
most defensive use of the word "stuff" ever.
Larry
followed by the 1972 altercation between Jimr Lallymoore and 4 hoodlums in downtown New York when asked "Yeah? What martial arts do you know?"
"Stuff"
Jim
anybody here know who Jim Lallymoore is?
Mike
WHATS THE FREQUENCY KENNETH??!?!
Larry
in 1972, he was all the fucking rage
Larry
short listed for Time's Man of the Year
Sam
you two know way too much pointless shit
Larry
now a grade D Clerk at the Library Of Congress cataloguing rare collections of Brazilian Pogs issued by the Oscar Meyer Corporation between 1982 and 1986
Mike
i dont know anything
Larry
i wonder if ppl surprise Dan Rather with that
Larry
just as he's walking down the street, get reaaally close to him, then scream it in his ear
Jim
brazilian pogs?
Larry
fuck, that'd be funny
Mike
haha
truedat homeboy
Larry
or just like, play the song really subtley on your ipod while walking 1 foot from him
Mike
hehe
Larry
yeah, Brazillian Pogs, yo unever had a collection? they were abit naugthier, and could be redeemed for some minor plastic surgery
Sam
what did you have done Larry?
Mike
thhats not a hat
Larry
i'm sorry what?
Larry
"what did you have done" ?
Larry
that's like a zen inducing sentence
Larry
wow SCManageUserContact is a fucking beast
Larry
it's everywhere
Mike
plastic surgery-wise
Larry
like my train of thought
Larry
oh, i was just shy of redeeming them
Larry
and then Oscar Meyer got caught in that "Harvesting Beached Whale Feces For Seafood Sausage" scandal. and shut down all promotions to brazil
Larry
a buncha fucking prigs
Mike
wow
Mike
focus Larry
Mike
on email
Larry
so focussed
Larry
focussed on it like it was Jim's Hard Ass
Mike
see how haard Jim is working on this?
Mike
you need to be like that
Larry
so i need to be watching youtube?

Jan 24, 2007

New Blog Title

Larry
well, i don't know how we can continue working with that sound
Jim
yeah, it's pleasant.
Larry
i think my eyes are bleeding
Mike
Sunshine lollipops and Rainbows...
Larry
i'm sorry what?
Mike
that sound
Mike
reminds me of
Larry
was that the phrase the CIA used when waterboarding you?
Mike
yes
Larry
Sunshine Lollipos and fucking RAINBOWS!! TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW!!! TELL US!!!!
Jim
now *that's* a better and more realistic tag.
Mike
haha
Jim
let the tag wars begin...
Larry
Begun The Tag Wars have.
Mike
what the fuck is going on?
Larry
we should rename out blog to meritorious sunshine lollipops and fucking rainbows
Larry
does that pass committee?
Mike
ok..daddy's clued in now
Jim
no kommitte...
Jim
just do it.

Studies show

Larry
link
Larry
when martha can display russian bondage bestiality pr0n on her face, that number will change
Mike
hahaha
holly shit Larry...that was blog worthy
Larry
" -- A majority of Americans (52%) describe their most recent experience with a computer problem as one of anger, sadness or alienation."
Mike
yeah...alienation
Larry
that's AFTER they are done with it
because cleanup is never a picker upper
particularly in haste, and around finicky eletrical devices
Mike
Larrys on a roll!!
Jim
hahaha
Mike
when martha can display russian bondage bestiality pr0n on her face, that number will change
Mike
i just needed to see that again
Larry
uh, ohkay...
Mike
-- The average American is wasting 12 hours per month - the equivalent of half a weekend - due to problems with their home computer.
Mike
hahahah only half a weekend...right
Jim
hahah.
Mike
self inflicted problems
Jim
"average" being the key word Mike.
Mike
ahhh
Jim
not "Mike Frames"
Mike
take me out of the mix and its 5 minutes
Jim
heheh
Larry
remember that weekend
Larry
but we couldnt' take you out of the mix could we Mike?
Mike
the directions said making the cast would be easy
Larry
for the last time, Iranian Military Chokeholds are NOT allowed in the Happy Group Hug Room
Larry
oh, we went two totally different directions there
Mike
yes...we usually do
Mike
or
Mike
remember that weekend?
Larry
i wish i did, but i think you deprived my brain of much needed oxygen. all i have for a memory of that weekend is a blurry polaroid, a court summons, and some trannie hooker who still wants payment for services rendered.

Jan 23, 2007

I Don't Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

Mike
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cock
Larry
uh?
Mike
8. Chiefly British Informal. pal; chum.
Mike
ello cock
Larry
why 'ello there cock!
Larry
good ol cock you are!
Larry
lemme give ya a hug then!
Mike
me and my cocks are going out tonight
Larry
come ere cock!
Larry
oh you got a good many cocks you like to hang about with then?
Mike
me mums got a new cock
Larry
out on the couch, with the cocks
Mike
haha
Mike
my cock's in the shower
Larry
naw, you don't say! it's always good for yer mum to have a new cock now and then
Larry
even if it's not precisely the sort of cock you'd have yerself!

SHHHHTANKKKAYYYYY!!!

Jim says:
so how'd it go with the Nanny?
Mike says:
fuckled
Mike says:
.
Jim says:
these starbucks cards smell funny.
Mike says:
she's been fuckled
Jim says:
haha.
Mike says:
why are you sniffing your starbucks card?
Jim says:
you didn't?
Mike says:
uh..yeah...I did
Mike says:
fuck
Mike says:
i stinlk
Mike says:
stink
Jim says:
nice.
Jim says:
how come?
Mike says:
yeah..it kinda sux sitting here
Mike says:
i dunno... i guess the shower didnt take
Jim says:
fuckin showers.
Mike says:
i musta left the shields up
Jim says:
maybe you should concentrate on actually cleaning yourself in t here...
Mike says:
I was cleaning...and I can clean it as fast and as much as I want
Jim says:
hey - you're the one who has to live with your stink.
Mike says:
it has its perks
Jim says:
as long as you stay over t here, I couldn't give a rats ass.
Jim says:
hehe
Mike says:
funny you should use that term
Mike says:
thats what I smell like
Jim says:
why are you sniffing your rats ass?
Mike says:
not sniffing...just rubbing it all over
Mike says:
me
Jim says:
ah. we have different definitions of shower then.
Mike says:
You're right...let's go to starbucks
Mike says:
*lights dim
Jim says:
werd.
Mike says:
*scene ends
Mike says:
you see that last commennt on the SIN thing?
Jim says:
neg.
Jim says:
link?
Mike says:
http://Link.com
Mike says:
im smelling like I do after 2 hours od gun game
Mike says:
od=of
Jim says:
pwnd?
Mike says:
my nostrils are taking it up the ass
Jim says:
hahha

from breakfast to ...

Jim Says:
what's wrong with eating breakfast at home?
Mike Says:
there were ppl I used to supervise upstairs that would sit at the front counter and eat their breakfast while helping students
Mike Says:
drove me fucking nuts
Mike Says:
I did put an end to it though
Sam Says:
you used to supervise ppl
Mike Says:
just so you dont think Im a pussy
Jim Says:
is t here anything worse than listening to somebody chew?
Mike Says:
yes..it happened once
Mike Says:
listening to The Terminator shit everyday in the public washroom?
Sam Says:
yes, but that's your choice
Jim Says:
haha.
Mike Says:
i have to come clean...it's an addiction
Jim Says:
er.. what's your choice?
Mike Says:
seriously though...does The Terminator not use his toilet at home?
Mike Says:
It's either him or plik in there everyday copping a squat
Jim Says:
copping a squat.
Jim Says:
never heard that one before.
Sam Says:
very british
Mike Says:
haha...laying some coil
Jim Says:
oooohhhhhh.
Jim Says:
now I get it.
Mike Says:
negotiating the release of the little brown hostages
Mike Says:
dropping the kids off at the pool
Sam Says:
i get the impression you could go on like this for days
Mike Says:
making a deposit at the Bank of Ceramica
Sam Says:
we went from eating breakfast to shitting
Sam Says:
awesome
Jim Says:
isn't that usually how it works?
Sam Says:
yes, but usually not so quickly
Mike Says:
welll...I DID see this video on the web once...

Jan 18, 2007

Closing Time

Larry
The tall, pale man with the severe haircut approached Sam. There was no quarter given. The man babbled obscenities -- or what sounded like obsceneties-- at Sam, who only lowered his head, thinking of what it would be like if the man spoke english. The torrent of words and phrases that at one point, perhaps in an English Grammar Book for ESL , had made sense. Had made a futile, uselss sort of
Larry
sense.
Larry
Larry saw his MSN blinking. He would not be pulled in. Using his good work pr0n to diffuse a kafkaesque situation was not worth it. He pretended to do some code commenting
Sam
hahahaha
Larry
The clock moved at a glacial pace. At some points standing still. A european man, several desks back, watched the entire situation unfold slowly. "Subject thinking about leaving early", he wrote.
Sam
this new book you're writing it sounds familiar
Larry
Time was their enemy. And their most desperate saviour. If it moved quick enough, they could both escape the note taking man, and the severe gentleman. If it didn't move fast enough, the situation could only get worse.
Larry
Larry urged Sam to check if the notetaking man had left yet. But he knew in the most primitive parts of his soul that the man had not left. The boring eyes left their mark and retreadi their unwavering path on the back of Larry's skull.
The clock ticked. One minute had passed.
Larry
i guess i'll blog this
Sam
Sam confirmed Larry's worst fears. The notetaking man, sat steely eyed at his desk, his pencil poised. At that moment they both heard plodding steps approaching. It could be only one person, Fortressant was approaching

Jan 15, 2007

Loss

Larry
i can't believe Betty is leaving
Larry
i mean, it seems only yesterday we were having coffee with that bright eyed charismatic employee with aspirations of HR stardom
Sam
i know if she was planning on leaving i could have understood
Sam
surely urgent status is not enough for Betty leaving
Larry
there has to be something more meaningful. something that would capture the entire esprit of her career here
Larry
the lives she touched, the iniatives she moved forward
Larry
a mere database flag on a internal website seeems not enough, frankly
Sam
i know, especially a flag that has already lost it's meaning
Larry
but then, all things lose their meaning when confroonted with the soul crushing loss thatis Betty leaving
Sam
true, they are some big shoes she is leaving

Jan 10, 2007

Since Go Fuck Yourself

Mike says:
branch testing is only a week or so behind on the BIG item
Jim says:
you keep your grubby hands off my BIG item.
Mike says:
shaddupa you a fucking moutha
Jim says:
I am not a fucking moutha
Mike says:
i played nintendo last night
Jim says:
and?
Mike says:
mario swears to me
Mike says:
putta you a cock ina my mouth
Mike says:
you know
Mike says:
soak tha cork
Larry says:
stopa making fun of gaya mario!
Larry says:
he's got your mushroom righta here!
Mike says:
fucka youa you stupida fucking cockasucker
Mike says:
fyayaffa
Mike says:
its ethnic day on msn
Mike says:
im doing the grocery list for the weekend...should HotRods go under breakfast items?
Jim says:
yes.
Jim says:
and lunch and supper items.
Mike says:
hahaha
Jim says:
and snacks.
Mike says:
Sustinence: Hotrods
Jim says:
and drinks.
Mike says:
and suppositories
Jim says:
hahah
Mike says:
you can take that two ways
Mike says:
(BWAHAHAHA)
Jim says:
no.
Jim says:
you can take that two ways.
Sam says:
i'll pass
Mike says:
joke of the year right there my friends
Larry says:
ring of fire!
Mike says:
^runner up
Jim says:
I dunno.. pretty early in the year for comments like that.
Mike says:
comment of the year!!!
Larry says:
comments about hotrods for suppositories?
Mike says:
of the YEAR!
Larry says:
i mean, who HASN"T thought of that
Mike says:
ahh lol@self

And since when do we use blog titles as comments?

Da Bears

Mike
Also please ask the designers to change the column widths since there too much space is wasted on the page. This requires us to resize the columns each time.
Mike
Go f*ck yourself, Mike for HyperGlobalMegaNet Support
Larry
designers?!
Mike
yeah...you
Mike
designer
Larry
wow, is she in for a surprise
Mike
he...its the hasslehoff guy
Larry
niiice!
Larry
a guy who dressed as ryu last halloween, another guy who plays the nerdiest most obscure video games, a prius driving wii playing hardass, and a brit
Larry
"please count your lucky stars that the screen you are working in is not in Engrish "
Mike
man I can stop thinking about Jim's hardass
Larry
you can?
i can't!
Mike
I can
i just did
Larry
youre a machine!
whatever you do Mike, do NOT think about Jim's hardass ok?
Larry
DON"T think ahbout it
Larry
aaaand, another line crossed
Mike
ugh...polarbears and Jim's ass aaaaigiighghg
Larry
polarbears!?
Larry
is that like, a large hairy gay Inuit?
Mike
hahha
Mike
are there any other kinds?
Larry
well, there are the big gay hairy men in the interior, sasquatches
Mike
"in the interior"
Larry
and teh big hairy gay men in HSBC, bevan's date
Larry
deep in the interior
sometimes out
then in, then out, then in
Mike
oh
Mike
like leapfrog
Larry
much like leapfrog, except bacon grease instead of astroglide
Mike
rgr

LOve is in the coffee? I certainly fucking hope not!

Love is in the air. Or is it the coffee?

Jim Says:
donezored
Jim Says:
everybody should be good again.
Mike Says:
i love you
Mike Says:
u
Mike Says:
h
Mike Says:
and THANKS!
Jim Says:
thank you. I love you too.
Jim Says:
:boobz
Jim Says:
I love her, too
[PROD] Todd says: (10:07:58 AM)
:boobz :boobs
Jim Says:
boobs galore.
Mike Says:
like being at the Cecil...at WORK!

Jan 9, 2007

Meritoriousnessly Mounting Mooblets

Mike says:
STOP FUCKING WHISTLING YOU STUPID FUCK!
Jim says:
sorry.
Sam says:
sorry
Jim says:
I didn't realise I was.
Mike says:
fucking mooblet
Jim says:
mooblet.
Mike says:
in 66 sweeping the baseboard with his tits whistling all the while
Jim says:
hahaha
Sam says:
whistling tits
Jim says:
he's an especially meritorious mooblet.
Larry says:
meritorious, hot damn
Jim says:
that's a good one eh?
Mike says:
haha
Sam says:
if only we knew what it means
Jim says:
it's a measure of one's meritoriousness.
Sam says:
ahhhh
Larry says:
fuck, every email i'mgoing to try and sneak in that word
Larry says:
meritoriousness
Mike says:
irrimeritoriousness
Larry says:
even more better!
Larry says:
Irrimeritriousnesslessly
Larry says:
use that fucker in a sentence
Mike says:
That fucker stole my sammich
Mike says:
:D
Larry says:
badumpah
Larry says:
but seriously Mike. don't EVERY joke about sammiches
Larry says:
they are not for the stealing, only for the eating
Mike says:
yes true..don't every joke about sammiches
Larry says:
they are to be eating irrimeritoriouslessly
Larry says:
unless you are having a choward and bevans sammich
Larry says:
then, man, so many jokes to be made
Larry says:
so much smoothness in that sammich you almost don't need the caulkgun filled with astroglide.
Larry says:
almost

Shocking...

Mike says:
i wnat my mroning conversations dammit!

Jim says:
you don't have history?
Mike says:
i dont becuae it makes me slooow
Mike says:
becaue
Mike says:
the plural of because
Mike says:
i guess that would actually be becuae
Mike says:
BUKKAKE!
Mike says:
please format the bolding apporpriately
Jim says:
er. thanks
Jim says:
I don't t hink that's all th at makes you slow.
Mike says:
ooo
Mike says:
"I love to shock you"
Mike says:
in 66
Jim says:
hahah
Mike says:
she's bringin out the shocker
Mike says:
licking my thumbs...here it cCOMES!

Cheerful

*entirely too cheerful chatting in the conference room*
Jim
omg.
where does our company find these people?
Larry
the Happy Fun HR Consulting Sunshine And CandyCane Group?
Larry
holy f*ck, how do they maintain their joy?
they must get a specially laced Prozac Enhanced water
Larry
did I say prozac enhanced? i mean mainly prozac, slightly dampened with water to make it drinkable
Jim
prozac? I'm thinking crystal meth.
Larry
you might be right
Larry
is there anythign above crystal meth? like the crystallized and purified essence of the adrenal glands of seven million african hares, during rutting season, on crack?
Larry
because theya re fricking infused with it

THE NEW BLOGGZOR ROX)RZ OMG GMOMOMG

Can u beleve at?

Jan 8, 2007

Knight Rider == Quick Service

Mike
the best part...
Mike
wait for it...
Mike
Mike Hazinov
Mike
soooo close to Hasslehoff
Larry
man awesome
Mike
Dear Mike...the stupid defaults are there for ppl like you
Mike
If we put in the advanced defaults
Jim
Dear Mike, if you were a 'Hoff we'd do it right f*cking now. but you're not.
Mike
buy an H, bitch
Larry
PS plse send pictures of you in a speedo with puppies
Sam
speedo optional
Larry
PPS get a rousing pop star career in germany and a semi-homeoerotic relationship with a 1985 Trans Am

The Beautiful Science

Larry
http://nothingbutvideos.blogspot.com/2007/01/best-fight-you-will-ever-see.html
Larry
blocking. optional.
Larry
the asian guy owns the white guys fist with his FACE
Larry
the white guy does a pretty good job too
Mike
hHh SET TO oZZY
Mike
totally
Mike
ouch face

Kaboom.

Larry
http://nothingbutvideos.blogspot.com/2007/01/unbelievable-explosions.html
Jim
that blowed up real good!
Mike
some f*cker is probably covered in tons of foam
Mike
hahah...f*ck....somebdy's having a bad day
Mike
"How was work dear?"
Jim
well, some people in sales couldn't log on...
Mike
Because I incinerated them
Jim
and I blew up a block of the downtown core.
Mike
you remember that underground storage tank?
Mike
yeah
that one
Larry
fiery chain reaction. man, good times.
Larry
apparently Inflammable means teh same as flammable!
Larry
oh man, nuke test, so awesome
Mike
yeah
Larry
why are those peaceniks always against nukes? they're awesome!
Mike
hahaha
Mike
"A truck filled with 3000 gallons of fuel..races to beat a locomotive..."
Larry
hahahahh
Larry
if ever two terms should never have combined. 3000 gallons of fuel. Racing. Locomotive.

Jan 4, 2007

Speaking of poop...

Jim says:
holy hacks
Sam says:
what's that
Jim says:
just trying to do everything without having to instantiate any ejb's...
Jim says:
or configure ems
Sam says:
hahaha
Jim says:
or configure the persistence stuff
Sam says:
oh yeah the persistence stuff
Sam says:
you've created ems lite
Jim says:
haha.
Jim says:
also called "regi"
Sam says:
hahaha
Jim says:
fuck. if neo every cared enough to look at the shit I produce...
Jim says:
er...
Sam says:
you'd like that wouldn't you

Jan 2, 2007

Out of nowhere on a Tuesday morning.

tintin says:
i had some difficulties making a poop...
Mike says:
thank you for that update