This is how programmers get sick

Larry
so
Larry
on friday, i was feeling iffy
Sam
right
Larry
then on sunday, Mary is like, let's do that 2.3 km walk you do to the skytrain and have a day trip to Brentwood Mall
Sam
hahaha
Larry
i'm like, well, i'm a social recluse and shie from any sort of activity, so I figure I better do this before she leaves me for anyone with more personal acumen than a dying trout.\
Sam
hahaha, wise move
Larry
it's that day, of course, when we get three hundred fucking meteres of snow
Larry
it was a fucking hellish walk back
Sam
strollers and snow don't mix
Larry
i'm thinking it was going to end with me lighting a pipe, and saying, off-handedly yet in a decidedly constrained way, "I'm going for a walk, I won't be back for a bit."
Larry
anyhoo, she had a good time
Larry
oh, baby was in a backpack
Sam
oh nice
Larry
she thought it was a magical wonderland
Larry
i thought they were going to findour frozen corpses in the spring
Sam
slightly eaten by coyotes

Yes sir, Director sir

Larry
so why isn't Jim working from home?
Larry
why am i left to be a sore thumb?!
Sam
he said the paint smell is not that bad over there
Larry
but still, an excuse to work from home!
Sam
if the kids were school age, i'd be there
Larry
you can't just make idle promises like that
Larry
in five years, i'll remember, and test you
Larry
assuming of course, that you aren't PM Jones or Director Jones by that time
Sam
i'd make people address me that way too
Sam
Mr Director Sir
Larry
you should start now
Sam
hahaha
Sam
maybe announce it at the systems meeting
Sam
i'd like be addressed as Mr Jones
Sam
break them in gently
Larry
yes, slowly
Larry
or, alternatively, you can change your first name
Larry
to Misturduhrektorsur
Larry
say it's a homage to your german heritage
Larry
saxon heritage, even better
Sam
hahaha
Larry
teutonic leanings, even better

Multi-Lingual

Mike
just have Larry reply to her in Klingon
Larry
If it ain't broken, or cannot be traced to us...
Larry
what makes you think I know Klingon ? HUH?
Mike
oh...a hunch
Larry
just because I'm fluent in Cardassian
Larry
the two languages aren't even remotely related, you fucking ignoramus!
Larry
oh, who's looking stupid NOW!?
Mike
bloggerable

Processes

Sam
shouldn't this go to our pm to decide?
Sam
i'll forward it to Mather
Larry
i thought it was CharlieBrown?
Mike
have Mather forward it to CharlieBrown
Mike
that should eat up about 3 months
Jim
we should formalize our email forwarding process first.
Larry
haha
Sam
Nobody has told us officially
Sam
i'm on it
Jim
werd
Larry
we haven't formalized our formalizing process
Mike
Dear Jane,
Your email has been entered into our formalized email forwarding process.

Regards,

WhackaDoodle Group
Sam
Do not reply to this email.
Mike
ever
Mike
Someone may or may not be in touch with you
Sam
Our process is to fwd the email to the group and then assume another team member is dealing with it
Sam
Done
Larry
once our Nominating A WhackaDoodle Group Personnell to Contact Other Developers process has been formalized
Larry
our process sounds strikingly like our current process
Mike
APSPCOD
Sam
if it aint broken
Mike
NAPSPCOD
Jim
and even if it is...

High on A&W...

Mike says:
how do we continually succeed to put absolute shit into production?
Jim says:
we're just *THAT* good
Mike says:
its like we dont even have to try
Jim says:
exactly
Jim says:
like we don't even have to try...
Jim says:
anybody not from here can not understand how I actually accomplish something here by not doing anything.
Jim says:
just taking up a seat
Mike says:
you actually accomplish MORE than others by not doing anything
Mike says:
theyre in a race backwards

It started off clean, anyways...

Mike
he's very sick you know
Sam
i know Boss Man told me
Jim
*cough* *cough*
Mike
*choke* *choke*
Sam
she said, well when you go to places like that
Mike
haha
Larry
that is, places outside of the Golf Club.
Sam
although his drinking water was probably clearer than ours
Mike
werd
Mike
turbids everywere
Jim
and waaaaayyyy fewer fruit flies
Larry
that's where the taste is
Jim
you'd think my system would be stronger after so many months in that cubicle.
Mike
ahhaha
Larry
stronger only against those specific coffee bred pathogens
Mike
health depravation chamber you mean
Jim
haha
Larry
so is Jim msning us from atop of whistler or something?
Mike
he named his couch Whistler?
Jim
uhhhh
Jim
couch?
Mike
go Larry go!
Sam
haha
Larry
hahhahh
Larry
it's the name of the blowup doll that has that tiny leak. she goes 'eeeeeee' if you put too much pressure on her.
Jim
we're at the point where I don't even have to say anything and everybody knows what I mean.
Larry
er, so i hear.
Mike
or that
Mike
here comes something about extra long straps for the dildo so it can be strapped to a couch
Larry
wow, where the fuck you going with THAT Mike?
Mike
im takin it down to brown town
Sam
you share dolls?
Larry
well, i dont' have my own, and i usually clean whistler up pretty well. unless i'm in a rush
Larry
(which i usually am, come to think of it)
Sam
i bet you do
Larry
(tell whistler i really DID have an early meeting i needed to get to, and i just lost her number)
Sam
it appears whistler has moved on, Larry
Larry
well, she's currently under Jim, so that's understandable
Larry
SHE"S NOT FOR BOUNCING Jim
Mike
be gentle
Larry
she also hates it when you say "Wheeeee!"
Jim
why do I punish myself so?
Sam
mmmm Bouncing Jim
Mike
haha
Mike
she also likes to cuddle
Mike
a rare trait in a blow up doll
Larry
always so wham bam, deflate me and put me away in my waterproof case
Mike
you have to ask permission to leave this conversation
Jim
hmmm

Sam has left the conversation.

Sam has been added to the conversation.

Larry
just like you have to ask whistler to 'play'

Jim has left the conversation.

Mike
cheeky
Mike
Larry blogify this
Larry
we can never talk about skiiing ever again.
Larry
well done Larry, you fucking jerk.

Be Funny... NOW!

Mike
we should prolly post a conversation to the blog
Mike
ok GO!
Sam
you can't just force these things
Sam
go
Mike
yes you can. Over
Larry
i'm saving up all my banter for Mr. Smith
Mike
"banter"
Mike
its BATTER
Larry
he doesn' tlike his witty conversations 're-used'
Larry
or as he likes to say, "I don't like sloppy seconds"
Larry
at least, i think he was talking about conversation
Larry
you can never be too sure, what with his smooth deliver and outrageously expensive pants.
Mike
man
Mike
I am funny
Larry
fuck, you bring the funny at whim
Mike
funneh
Jim
yes, you certainly think you are.
Larry
i concur
Mike
shouldn't you be getting de-loused?
Jim
shouldn't you?
Mike
is it Tuesday already?

Electrical iPhone Chai Latte

Sam
so, have you stopped drinking coffee now
Sam
are you a chai latte guy now
Larry
i'm drinking my coffee now
Larry
it's only two days old
Larry
and as cold as a well embalmed corpse
Sam
nice
Sam
my mate just got an iphone
Larry
does he like it?
Sam
loves it
Larry
does he love it because he just spent a fair chunk of change on it?
Larry
or does he genuinely love it, and find he spends the better portion of his day sitting at a Starubucks, with his iPhone, screen up on the table in front of him, while he pretends to peruse the most impenetrable works of Proust?
Sam
he loves it because it has an awesome ui and using the touch screen is just so natural
Sam
his company bought it
Larry
ahhh
Sam
oh the tension
Larry
like a high energy electrical transmission wire, poorly insulated, and 30 feet lower than prescribed by safety regulations.

The Falklands

Sam
$11 hamburger
Mike
hey...thats the price you pay for over floured ciabatta bread
Larry
and free range organic no-cruelty argentinian unmodified prairie cattle
Mike
yeah
Sam
no one mentioned argie to me
Sam
i'm not coming
Sam
fucking argies
Mike
haha
Larry
oh right
Larry
that whole island on the other side of the world that you two countries really care about and that frankly sounds like a hidden isle from Middle-Earth
Sam
the one that is ours
Mike
was
Sam
sorry?
Mike
yes you are
Mike
didnt you hear the latest?
Sam
no
Mike
The Brazilians have taken it over and are using it as a training island for the next World Cup.
Mike
Ooo the irony
Larry
well, you get your dwarves together fromt he Underkingdom, and make sure your alliances from Rivendale hold strong, like so many plates of mithril, and go get yourself that island.
Sam
now, that almost worked
Sam
all the rocks and hills will help improve their ball control, i see
Mike
indeed

Too Busy Watching 'Steel Magnolias'

Larry
Link to a scene from Braveheart.
Larry
*sniff*
Mike
never seen it
Larry
you are dead to me.
Larry
next wii lunch we should see this
Larry
or maybe schedule a MARATHON OF MANLY MAN MOVIES for christmas
Larry
so little Mikey can see all the movies he should have fucking seen
Larry
you're about to get your Man Card pulled buddy.
Mike
mmm

Gang Violet

Mike
YES YES YES!!!
http://www.yourtvlinks.com/file/6622-80039s-gang-fight.html
Jim
it's back, baby
Larry
werd.
Mike
The Falcons get to make the rules
Larry
is this Mr. Belvedere?
Mike
haha
Mike
listen close to the lyrics
Larry
sweet, the kids from Fame and Thriller are coming ti KICK SOME ASS (then have buttsecks)
Larry
i don't have to listen to th elysrics to know its' about colourful, ethnic sodomy.
Larry
MOVE THOSE HIPS
Larry
oh yeah, tha'ts not gay at all.
Larry
"nono, not a dark, menacing purplse. Do you have a lavender? Or a mauve?"
Larry
this prolly started the Blood vs. Crips bloodbath. fuck, even I"m pissed off at their protrayal of urban violence.
Larry
bout ready to get my gat and my nine and drive by a few whities myself now
Jim
what do you think his threads are worth once we kill him and strip himdown

says the web savvy veteran....

Jim says:
http://www.thecomedynetwork.ca/shows/showdetails.aspx?a=b&u=1&sid=3351&c=CA&time=1194296927&hash=d02b107867538128517b04ba9859a75c
Jim says:
play the nov 1 clip 3 of 3
Mike says:
UR LYNX SUCKZORZ
Larry says:
OH MY GOD! LARN HOW 2 INTERNET!!!
Larry says:
which interview is it?
Larry says:
Mike
Larry says:
which interview is it?

Halloween at Larry's place

Larry says:
what did your kids dress up as?
Mike says:
Spongebob, Winnie the Pooh and Simba
Larry says:
i had a han solo trick or treat our place. it was awesome
Mike says:
you invite them in?
Larry says:
Simba? lion king is still popular?
Mike says:
no..but cheap
Mike says:
I love the look of the parents faces as they wait by the curb and you usher their kids inside
Larry says:
well, naturally, if they can roll a natural 20, and can define what a high constitution might mean, and what races have a +3 modifier to it. Then yes.
Larry says:
ah, cheap is king indeed
Larry says:
it's best if you lick your lips as you invite them in
Larry says:
and if you're not wearing any pants
Mike says:
hahah
Mike says:
answer the door naked
Larry says:
well, yeah, that's the trick
Mike says:
treat to follow

Columnist

Larry
i'll pass, after overcoming my fear of needles, i'm going to find out what all the fuss is about this 'heroin' everyone is talking aboutl.
Larry
i figure it'll make a good subject for the Watercooler
Manward
call it smack talk with Larry
Larry
oh yeah!
Larry
that's a great name for my column
Sam
Larry's fight against addiction
Sam
addiction to the flu shot
Larry
Smack Talk With Larry
The new shipmentof China White is in. It has a nice nutty start, with a crunchy styrofoam high, before it dumps you pretty hard with a really tar like ending. On the plus side, I only dry heaved for 3 hours after going cold turkey on it, so you know it's pure.
Larry
it writes itself!@

The Short Answer

Sam
hey, what are ocz like
Larry
OCZ? as in the RAM?
Sam
well, sd memory
Larry
as in, what's their reputation?
Sam
yeah
Larry
so, like, what would the general geekery and technological community have to say about the overall stability, reliabilty,and performance of said brand, on aggregate, and on the whole, ignoring any and all anedotal outliers?
Sam
yes
Larry
If I get your meaning -- and please, correct me if I'm out of order, or if I've shaded your question with the wrong intent, that is to say, flavour -- then what you would like to ascertain from me is some sort of zeitgeist surrounding OCZ and the components they make. A barometer, if you will, of the company and it's feeling of ill or goodwill among the technology enthusiast crowd. Ignoring, of
Larry
course, enthusiasts who may have rigourous and frankly shocking loyatly to, shall we say, competitors brands. What you would like to get a sketch of, in short, is an answer to this question, "Is OCZ, good?"
Sam
Yes, a simple, good or bad will suffice. I do not need a detailed and thorough discussion of the pros and cons of said brand.
Larry
So you would not want to know, for instance, if hte local dealer of OCZ certified equipment is in fact a latent homosexual with an alarming collection of burro erotica? Or that, say, their current labour policies in the RAM production field are second to none?
Sam
Whilst intrigued by the Mexican food sounds Burro, I have no idea what it is and do not feel it will influence my decision on whether or not to purchase memory from said company. Nor do i particularly care for the labour policies, as I feel my being an "EveryDay Hero" allows me certain leeway in my purchasing decisions in this regard.
Larry
They're pretty good, I guess.
Sam
thanks

Excuses, excuses.

Mike
you have a kid..its the perfect excuse
Larry
hahaha
Mike
Yeah...sorry (last minute) Mias not feeling well
Mike
she just yakked up her sweet potatoes all over the dog
Larry
holy shit, you just made up that excuse on the spot, so smooth! so natural! you should write a book
Jim
I'm surprised they don't all want to just go somewhere cheap and buy you gin and take in all the hugs.
Larry
and they'll be like "wait, this isn't YOUR birthday Larry"
Larry
and i'll be like all puppy dog faced and be like "so.. no LAN party then?"
Mike
I'd love to write a book but Hudson is running a bit of a fever. He's got a bit of a rash on his cheek too which may be a sign of fifths disease. I really have to keep an eye on it. you understand right. Sorry.
Larry
i'm fucking astounded
Larry
you should be a Facebook application
Larry
need an excuse, click here
Larry
fucking rad.
Jim
"no I can't go. Mike's kid is not feeling well and she just yakked up her sweet potatoes all over the dog"
Mike
Thanks for clicking the button. Unfortunately I cannot create an excuse right now as it seem the Norwalk Virus has paid us, our kids and our dog a visit. Unless you have some handy tips for getting hotdog vomit out of bed spreads, I won't be able to talk to you for a bit.

Cottonophobia

Mike
required viewing NOW
Mike
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G45s4GJslGI&mode=related&search=
Larry
i guess it's when a large cotton ball made from frogs killed my entire family then ass raped my dog.
Mike
"dog"
Larry
and when the cotton man tries to choke me with the cotton, i realize.. oh yeah.. it'sjust oversized COCKS.
Larry
which explains why my son hates his toys...
Larry
who was swearing?
Larry
wtf?
Mike
it's weird...I never actually SEE Larry smoking crack
Larry
hahahHAHAHAHAHhaHaHHAHAH
Jim
haha
Larry
my sweaters are made of crack that's absorbed throught the skin
Jim
hahaha
Mike
"sweaters"
Mike
i got some sweaters
Sam
there is officially no safe word we can use
Mike
haha
Jim
"safe"
Larry
i'll get in YOUR safe baby
Larry
crack it
Larry
CRACK THAT SAFE!
Mike
Sweaters come in pairs and are delivered in a convenient skin pouch
Jim
Maury PWNS that bitch!
Jim
nice job.
Larry
seriously,wtf happened to her. some serious fucking trauma to be scared of cotton balls
Mike
im afraid of spies
Jim
stabbystabby
Larry
STABBY STABBY!!!!
Larry
i like to stab the engies when they are crouched....
Larry
bent right over that dispenser, oh yea

Bahrain, Syria, Whatever.

Jim
blogzored
Larry
how is that in anyway funny Jim?
Larry
THIS IS SERIOUS LIFE AND DEATH SHIT WE GOT GOING ON
Larry
you ask anyone, even your friend in Bahrain, he'll know
Larry
he'll be like, holy fuck, you guys were talking about advanced TF2 setnry gun placement?!
Jim
it's not Bahrain, dickhead. It's syria.
or the maldives.
and don't fuck with me.
Larry
and you'll be like 'I LULZ THEM!'
Jim
my syrian friends won't like it/.
Larry
and he'l be like 'I'VE GOT A DIRTY BOMB FOR YOUR ASS SPHINCTER YOU STUPID FGT NUB SHAFT!'"
Mike
hahah]
Larry
and you'll be like "NO PLAS! I LURV YOUR COUNTRY!"
Larry
and he'll be like "TAKE TF2 MORE FUCKING SRSLY! OK!? SRSLY!. fuckwad."
Jim
I'll be like, 'DON'T TASE ME, BRO!'
Larry
and it'll be tooo late
Larry
you'll already have a Uranium Colon Cleaning
Jim
what, that's it? That's all you got

NEEEERRRRRDDDDDSSSSS!!!!

Mike Says:
ragin drunk...gotta be home by 9
Mike Says:
for TF2
Larry Says:
holy fuck, youguys should start mastering the Get the Engie in IMPOSSIBLE PLACES skillz
Larry Says:
apparently you can crouch jump on the dispener
Mike Says:
link us to pics
Larry Says:
ppl get in pretty much SUPAR places
Mike Says:
but you need a 2nd person to set up near you
Larry Says:
and you can also set a TELEPORTER EXIT in weird spots that youc an't jump to, then build a teleporter entrance and get up there
Larry Says:
http://img160.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=22813_very_high_sg1_122_639lo.jpg
Mike Says:
so if they try to rocket your sentry, the other guy smokes em
Larry Says:
wha?
Larry Says:
oh right
Mike Says:
being an engy alone in 2fort is pretty much useless...soon as a heavy or soldier shows up with a medic, youre toast
Larry Says:
yeah
Mike Says:
whats the point of having that so high?
Larry Says:
you need to have ppl respond to your screams for help, at the very least
Larry Says:
a spy can't sap it
Mike Says:
it has no range and is a sitting duck
Larry Says:
and a demo man can't hit it
Larry Says:
i'm not sure what it's range is
Larry Says:
iv'e seen those placements before,t heyare pretty useful
Larry Says:
BUT if you can sneak by, it doesn't cover the cap point
Mike Says:
so whats the trick?
Larry Says:
a dispenser on the far right or left, crouch jump on the ledge
Mike Says:
can you jump on other players for a boost?
Larry Says:
nono, just onto the dispenser
Mike Says:
booo
Larry Says:
"Simply - crouch jump from trolley near computer bank, onto computer bank. Build dispenser. Crouch jump onto dispenser, jump, and place teleporter exit on the ledge above you. Destroy disp, make teleporter entrance, teleport up to that area, etc etc."
Larry Says:
only the engie can crouch jump onto his dispenser
Larry Says:
you know where a good offense place is? in 2fort, in the BAD GUYS sewers, where the health and ammo is
Mike Says:
so jump on "toss" the exit up
Larry Says:
then get a teleporter exit there
Larry Says:
no, the blueprint can be placed above where youc an jump, i guess
Mike Says:
no one uses the sewers but me on 2 fort
Mike Says:
always empty
Larry Says:
you obviously haven't played enought 2fort

Fruit or Vegetable?

TinTin says:
does Terminator even understand english?
Mike says:
lol
TinTin says:
is he even aware what language the rest of us speak?
Mike says:
nope
TinTin says:
i've had more comprehension from a tomato
Mike says:
i bet
Mike says:
you've probably had more sex from a tomato